One year ago today tragedy struck our nation. Last year, our work closed as the employees mourned, and tried to get through their shock to understand what exactly had happened. The University effectively shut down at 12 noon, to resume a more normal schedule the next day.

All this week, I have seen new articles and bits on TV, and heard about events going on around the country on the radio. Jeremy, a friend of mine whose page I check daily, has even linked to an article by Dave Barry, On Hallowed Ground, about the importance of national memorials, including the crash site of plane 93.

Yesterday, a co-worker asked if we were going to coordinate anything special, and try to wear variations of red, white and blue to work. She then started going into what she remembers of last year, how the TV in our lobby was on, and we really only knew what was going on once the second plane hit the second tower. As she got into reliving the now infamous 9 –11, I took my break, and made a hasty retreat from the office.

All this week, up to and including today, when memorial services are being held around the nation. I find that when such events are mentioned, or depicted, I turn the channel / station, or high-tail it the other direction away from the conversation.

Yesterday, I tried to figure out why my reactions are what they are. My first analysis told me that I felt that everything was being overdone. Too much bombardment of a topic that has not been out of the media since it has happened. Too much stress put on having pride as a nation, and handling this national crisis by waging a war on terror. Too much patriotism cropping up from people who normally wouldn’t care, and a fierce patriotism at that. I thought that such blind pride and faith in our nation is a bad thing (and to an extent, still believe this is true).  I felt I was being hit over the head with all this crap.

Then I reevaluated what I was feeling, and tried to look deeper inside myself. Yesterday, I was talking with Alison and Toby, and I related the story of how I had to leave the office on break when my co-worker started her conversation. We then discussed where we were one year ago, and I realized that as I was relating the events from my perspective, I was having trouble controlling the waiver in my voice, and unbidden tears were welling up in my eyes. Now as I sit to write this, I recall that when I read the Dave Berry article, I had to stop a few times to wipe my eyes, and make sure no one saw me crying, as I was afraid I’d be unable to explain why I was in such a state.

I had the intention of sitting down to write how we, as a nation, are putting too much emphasis on the events of 9-11, but I find it has turned into an introspective piece, and I am faced with a truth. I am not dismissing all the events that are going on this week, and articles regarding last years terrorist attacks because I don’t like where they have lead us as a nation. I am avoiding them because I can’t yet deal with the raw emotions they bring forth in me. I fear that if I didn’t have this front of not caring, that I might break down, and have to face what really happened. My cynical side in all this is actually my shield, held high to protect my fragile state inside.

So while I scoff at my favorite radio station, and turn it off when they mention they are going to be around town today handing out red, white and blue ribbons for car antennas, and window stickers of the American flag, I find the real reason is more personal. I fear that they will once again play the tribute song they created one year ago today, made by taking Enya’s “Only Time”, and placing over it some of the early interviews and sound bytes of scared witnesses and news reports of the planes crashing into the towers. I’ve had to turn that song off every time it comes on, because I can’t stand to listen to it. I know realize it’s not the annoyance of being repeatedly exposed to the same events, but I find it is because I am not yet a strong enough person to face it.

For a different view point on the Aftermath of September 11, visit this article on Bactroid.net.

The views of this article are absolutely the views of the creator of this website, but they are just personal opinion. If you don’t agree with the views expressed here, tough cookies. Ain’t freedom of speech great? If you have another perspective on the topic above, you may feel free to e-mail me. (Please include a name so I can give proper credit for the submission.) I may, depending on the number of responses, time constraints, and how I feel on any given day, post other people’s opinions on the topic.