“You’re better, the anti-depressant is working. This funk you are in is only because of the weather.”
So, it is overcast again today – has been for most days this past week. Most days this past week I have also felt down, and more like I’m sliding back to the place where I was before we raised the dose of my anti-depressant. Basically, I just kind of want to curl in on myself, like protecting my core – that spot just behind my sternum that feels like a miniature black-hole when things are bad.
But I’m still excited about my writing class. I’m still doing things – not with as much energy as other times, certainly, and not with as much enthusiasm, but I’m not shrugging things off as unimportant or too big to handle at this moment.
So I’m not sure, really. Is it just a gray mood that is reflecting the gray day, or is this another lie that my depression is telling me?
If it is the latter, this lie is all the more insidious for the fact that I can’t suss it out for what it is.